Settle in for a Story.....in 'French

A story, as related to me by Grandma....

Emma had a pad of lined paper and was writing.

Grandma--What are you doing Emma?

Emma--I'm writing.

Grandma--What are you writing?

Emma--I'm writing in French.

Grandma--Gasp! Oh! I didn't know that you knew French Emma! How nice! Such a smart girl! What does it say?!

Emma--Grandma!! I don't know how to read in French, I only know how to write it!!! (DUUUHHHH!!!)

Malia

Tips

Jackson: Here you go mom, here is your tip for cooking Thanksgiving supper. (He digs deeeeeppp, into his pocket.) .17 cents. That is your tip.

Dylan: Here mom, I will throw in......02 more cents. Thanks for cooking.


Gee....thanks.

Dream

I...am a dreamer. I dream of the nice camera that I will one day hold in my hot little hands. I dream of the beautiful pictures I will take. I dream that my phone will ring off the hook with people only wanting me to take their priceless photographs......but, for now, it is only a dream, which is exactly what I realized one day while driving Emma home from dance class.

I was dreaming of Savannah, naturally,... and Emma in her wedding dress standing below the oaks of Wormsloe Plantation, her hourglass frame perfectly curved, mimicking the spanish moss and it would be my keen eye that would capture the most fabulous wedding pictures EVER!!! Then I remembered, I will be close to dead before I can afford the kind of camera I want. Emma will at that point have four children, one of which will have children of their own, Emma's figure will be shot to hell and her beautiful golden hair will be a wirey grey.....so thank God, I found Vanessa, or so I thought.





Can you picture it?





"Emma, when you get married, me and you are going to go to Savannah and I am going to bring Vanessa and we are going to shoot you 'below the oaks of Wormsloe Plantation' because you are going to be the most beautiful bride and I just can't wait!!! Okay!"

"Ummmm, Okay...but, I already told you, .... I'm not getting married."

"What!!! You have to!!! I have to have more little Emma's around and the only way that is going to happen is if you have them!!!!"

"Ummmm, okay, but I am not having any babies either."

"Ugh!! You know what, fine!!! But you will go to Savannah! And you will wear a white dress 'below the oaks of Worsloe Plantation' and you will let Vanessa shoot you!!! Because you will be the most beautiful giRL IN WHITE THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN AND I WANT PICTURES OF IT!!! OKAY!!!!"

"Ummmm, ..... okay."


See, Vanessa is really good at this and she HAS already agreed to it.

Emmaisms

"Sigh"

Emma comes up and hugs me, as she always does when I am sad.

"Moooom" (It's the same way she says it when she catches me crying while watching General Hospital, you know, like I'm a dork or something.)

"Mommmm, stop"

"Well, I'm just sad. Why can't you just stay a baby? Why? Can't you just stay a baby?" (sniff, sniff)

"Noooo!!! I'm not magic!" (Duh!) "Maybe you can die and I can die...(Emma!!! Don't say things like that!)..."Well, Jesus can just bring us back to life and you and me both can be babies again. Would that be okay and not make you sad?"

"Hmmmmm.....you know what, let's go to Target and buy you some bigger clothes. You're gonna have a lot of growing to do."

November 19, 2003 I saw Red.

Dear Lord, Thank you for this day, thank you for the food that you have given us, may it be a nourishment to our bodies. Bless the hands that prepared it. Please keep our family, friends and us safe throughout the nights and days to come. I pray that you will keep Memaw well. Please forgive us our sins. Amen.

This was my usual nightly prayer, but one night, when thinking of the bulge in my belly, probably because she was kicking me, I added......Lord, please let this baby be a girl....a healthy baby girl...we just want her to be healthy....Amen....and please God, .....don't let her have RED hair. Amen.......Okay, I just want her to be healthy, but if she HAS to have RED hair, Lord, then please let her have beautiful blue eyes, like Pepaw. Amen......but, God, PLEASE don't let her have red hair. Amen.

Fast forward a few months later.......

"Okay, mom, here she comes.....one more push....goooood.....okay....you have a beautiful baby girl and she has........blonde hair!!! (blonde? Cool! Weird, but cool).....no, wait (?)......actually, it's red!"

"Red?!!! Are you sure?" (I mean, there's gook and stuff, I'm sure she just needs a bath!)

"Yep, it's definitely red, strange, huh?...congratulations!"

Then, that little red-headed girl was laid on my chest.....she looked up at me with the bluest-eyes and hair the color of golden silk. My precious, red-headed, blue-eyed baby girl. Healthy and blue-eyed...... because.......she had red hair. Just the way I had ordered her. That God, he's a funny guy.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMMA LOU!!!! I love you.

Cause Daddy Said So...

Tonight, I saw for the first time, the love of a father to protect his daughter....

Jackson and Emma are now the proud owners of some razor scooters. They have been watching some kids ride them at the ballpark and all they had to do was think in their little brains, how much they would like to have one, and Peepaw will make their wish, his command.

So, tonight, while Dylan was playing an awesome game of baseball, one that warranted ice cream afterwards, Jackson and Emma occupied themselves with some scooters.

Wade had to call it an early night because he had to be at work soon, so he headed off towards the car. He didn't get very far before I heard a familiar little girl's voice say, "Daaaaaddddyyyyy, that boy took my scooter." I turned to see what was going on and mine and Wade's eyes met. His eyes said to me, "Damn it! I am going to have to kill a little boy right here in front of everyone! You gonna bail me out, woman?"

Momma's eyes: Go get 'em daddy!...



Daaaadddddyyyy: Well, that just ain't gonna work!

Emma: But, he won't give it back to me!

Meanwhile, Wade is walking toward the boy who is on the back of my princesses steed. Now, I don't know if all of you have seen my husband, but....he looks mean when he's not smiling. If I was the little boy...I would've been scared.

Daaadddddyyyy: He really doesn't have a choice!

As Wade got about 10 steps from the boy, the kid dropped the scooter and headed in the other direction.

The girl....she hopped back on and rode into the sunset. All thanks to her noble knight, who saved her!



Later....

Do you know that that little boy took my princesses steed again!!!! This time the Queen had to get off of her throne!!! UGH!!!...to go knock the evil jester of off the steed and tell him he had better not take it again....or else.....off with his head!

All was once again, well, in Fairytale Land...and that little boy, he came up the last time and asked if he could ride the steed. I thought, oh, how nice, he learned a lesson....."No!"

Maybe next time, he will try asking FIRST!

Michael Jackson, poor guy.

Jackson: Mom, (because remember, every sentence...)...how did Michael Jackson die?

Me: Well, he had a doctor that gave him....

Emma:.......................................because he had a disease that made him turn white and made him look like a girl. Mmmm hmmm.

Me: Ok...that about explains it.

Jackson: Really?!

Me: Well....

Malia

Just for Fun...

My friend Marion, from Savannah, Georgia, home...of the girl scouts.

Malia's Hoooouuuuusssseeeee

Have you ever watched Run's House on MTV? Yeah, me neither, well....actually, I have watched a few episode's, but couldn't stand to watch anymore. Point is, at the end of each of his shows, the scene changes to Run in the bathtub with bubbles and candles and his iphone or Blackberry or whatever and he is typing some kind of inspirational message, because he is actually a reverend ya know, about his family's trials and tribulations for the week. So, tonight, I am Run, except I am not in a bathtub...well, because bathtubs and shower walls give me the creeps, so I try very hard not to touch them, no, I think I will be in a big bed, all alone, with about 10 feather pillows in my white satin robe, texting this inspirational message on my white phone of some sort (I know nothing about phone brands).

Today, algebra brought me to tears. For. Real. There was me. Sitting in class, sniffling. Thinking, "oh. my. God! This sucks! I hate this! This is stupid! Math is nothing but some crap that someone made up! I mean all these rules! Someone had to make it up! Someone had to decide that if you square a square root, then the square can be unsquarerooted! Who made this crap up!? Who has done this to me!!!!!!!!!"

Then the teacher, who calls herself, the best teacher ever, says, "I did something bad." "Do you want to know what it is?"

"Um, no, not really. You have ruined my life because you love algebra, you evil bi..."

"I made your mid-term multiple choice. That way if you pick C, and the answer was A. You got it wrong. Period."

"Sweet Jesus, thank you!!!!! You just saved me life! She really is the best teacher ever!"

So you see, just in case you doubted..... there is a God. He has nothing in common with imaginary numbers, though he is as complex as a quadratic equation. He can even show up in the middle of algebra class when you are fixing to make yourself look like a blubbering idiot and give you multiple choices.

Multiple choice and Jesus dried my tears.

Malia

What's this, you ask?




Holy Schmoly!!! Why, that looks like.....




I know mom! A new baseball bat!!???

Nooooo......



Oooo, oooo, oooo, I know mom, it's a new boyfriend for me!


Um....no.



Oh yea! A new item for my farm collection.


You are so close Jackson.



This is the first fruit of our gardening labors! Yikes! I may have overgrown it a bit. I checked on these right before we left for vacation on 7/3 and there was nothing.....I can't wait to see what else might be out there.

Malia

My Savings 6/28

Some of you have heard me talk about how much I have been saving by couponing. While I vowed I would not be "one of those crazy people", I have become more and more excited about how much I can actually save. Whether or not you want to learn how to save more money yourself, or if you just want to look on in amazement as I save more, I thought I would begin sharing some of my trips with you.

I started out shopping at Walgreen's, CVS, Riteaid, Publix and Kroger. Occasionally, I would find some deals at Target. I have since, shut out Walgreen's! (Waaaay too complicated and no one was on the same page as to how their rewards system worked.) They actually lost me over $2.00. Oh well, their loss. I will not include Kroger in any of my pictures because....this is where I do my main grocery shopping and I buy things there that aren't always the best deal. I will be posting my Publix, Riteaid and CVS shops for you and any other great deals I find.

I hope you enjoy and I hope it inspires you to see just how much money you can actually save.

For this shop, I bought some extra stuff because we are going to Six Flags in a couple of days and will need some sandwich stuff, snacks and drinks. Also, we are going on vacation next week and I wanted to stock up on some snacks and such for that also.


So, here we are at Riteaid. I know this does not look like a lot, but you have to realize, those two sunscreens right there, cost over $10 each.

The total for these items: $39.53
I paid OOP(Out Of Pocket): $12.21
Total Saved $27.32!!!

That is a savings of 69%!!! Not bad, not bad AT ALL! I will end up saving more in the end because everything I bought, has a rebate attached to it. I will receive my check at the end of the month. Sweet!

How did I do this? Well, the Stayfree were BOGO, the sunscreen was BOGO and the nuts were BOGO. I had $4.50 in coupons and I had a $5.00 gift card that I had earned from Riteaid. I can use the nuts for snacks on vacation and at Six Flags and we will need the sunscreen all summer with the fair child and all the baseball time spent outdoors. Of course, the Stayfree....well, who can't use that? Oh, right, men! I was very pleased with this shopping trip.


At CVS, you earn Extra Care Bucks or ECB's. I have to start fresh because when we were in a money slump this past month, my ECB's from my last trip exprired. Usually, you have a to pay nothing OOP or very little if you have some ECB's from previous trips, but alas, I am starting fresh.

Again, I am shopping for more stuff than usual here because of vacation and Six Flags.

The total for these items: $44.29
I paid OOP $25.74
Total Saved $18.55!!!

That is a savings of 58%!!!! Still over a 50% savings!! Woohoo!!! While I wasn't too excited about this trip, I still ended up coming out better than I thought.

This is how I did it. I had coupons in the amount of $3.00. The Softsoap body wash was BOGO. We go through body wash like water around here! I wouldn't have normally bought those magazines, but it had some coupons I needed in it. While you may be asking the same thing Wade did, "So, you had a to spend a dollar to get a coupon that saved you $.50?!", this is not so. The coupon was work $1.00 each AND it is a coupon magazine, so it will have other coupons I need in it. It has already paid for itself! On this trip I earned $6.00 in ECB, which I can use like cash on my next trip!

Tuesday I am going to hit Kroger, which unfortunately will be a big shopping trip because my stockpile is WAY low! I may hit up Publix this week, but still not sure. We will have to see what deals I find first.

Hope you enjoyed watching me SAVE!!!

Malia

Southern Savers Giveaway

Southern Savers is giving away $50 to the Southern Savers grocery store of your choice. Go to Southernsavers.com to see how to enter and tell them happy birthday!

Malia

Christy Says......

I have a friend that I work with and she just keeps me in stitches....the things she comes up with are just unbelievable. So unbelievable, in fact, that I have decided to give her, her own section on my blog. So, without further ado, the first Christy Says.....


Christy: (speaking about a co-worker and her husband) They are really nice. I went to church with them.

Malia: Oh? Did you like their church?

Christy: No, not really, it was all, you know....broomsticks and fire!

Malia: (thinking: What the hell are they? Wiccan?!)

Just for Fun

A church in Savannah

Malia

Typical Emma

The teachers at Emma's school sent home all of her artwork for the year at conferences a couple of weeks ago. Also in this stack were the notes that have to be made about their development. I have no idea what development this was except maybe "how to defy my mother" or maybe this is the note that will be forwarded to her kindergarten principal as a child to watch out for.

Emma: Mrs. Cindy, can I go change. I don't like to wear dresses.

Mrs. Cindy: Does your mama get sad if you don't?

Emma: Yes, but I don't care, I don't like 'em.

And they think we don't know what goes on when we're not around.....thanks teachers!

Malia

Just for Fun

A restaurant in Savannah.
We were afraid that "Debi" died from food poisoning, so we skipped this restaurant.

Malia

Bravo!

Emma had her second dance recital of her life on May 22, 2009. There is no comparison to last year with this recital because the school she was at last year....well, ....it sucked. Of course, Emma was great in it, but her potential to grow there......none!

After seeing this year's recital with Axis Dance Center, I am so happy I moved her. I didn't want the show to end!

Emma had three costumes, one she liked, the others she hated....but don't worry, I WILL get her picture in them....she just doesn't know it yet.

We were not allowed to take pictures of the show...for pedofile reasons, but here are some I got after the show.





Oh, and here's Jackson....before the curtain was even brought up....he really enjoyed himself.


Emma was invited to join some of the older girl at some of the competitions, so hopefully, if I stay on my game, you will be seeing many more of these types of beautiful photographs. Until then....

Malia

I Got Nothing....

Nah-da.

Malia

I Know He's There

Yesterday, Emma and I were the only ones that made it to church....(I didn't force any of the men in my household to go because I was trying to let guilt do it's work)...(it didn't).

After church, since she did so well, I thought we would have a little girl time, so I took us out to lunch at the local Mexican restaurant. We ate, shared cheese dip (there was even some left, obviously because there were no boys there, I shared some of my lunch, she shared some of her cheese pizza with me, complete with little teeth marks, which she swore were mine???

She and the boys had gone to the new museum in Cartersville the day before, so I asked her about all of the things that she saw there. She talked about dinosaur bones and rocks, she saw her birthstone and some bones that were super tall, bigger than her even, but "you couldn't touch them". After a lot of talk about bones and rocks, I asked her if there was anything else she saw, you know, something girly, like flowers or butterflies.

Emma: No. Nope, there weren't any flowers.

Me: Well, what else was there? (Acting disgusted at such things as bones and rocks)

Emma: Weeellll, we went into this place where we had to go in and lay down and look up and it shone purple on us.

Me: Oh, the stars were shining on you?

Emma: No. It wasn't the stars. He was talking about space.

Me: Who was talking about space?

Emma: God.

Me: (Puzzled) God?

Emma: Yeah, I couldn't see Him, but I could hear Him and he was talking to us, so it had to be God.


Malia

Uh, waiter? I'll have a little of what he is having...please.

Malia

I Hate That....

I hate that...I always feel that a black cloud is not far from me.

I hate that...I will NEVER feel that I measure up.

I hate that...I will NEVER be the favorite.

I hate that...there are things that I feel I have to keep secret.

I hate that...I have something on the tip of my toungue, but I can NEVER release the words.

I hate that...I will never be thin enough.

I hate that...I am an ugly crier.

I hate that...I worry what other people think.

I hate that...I try so hard, only to get little in return.

I hate that...he doesn't know how to love me.

I hate that...he drew a line in the sand...and then crossed it.

I hate that...he put a damper on my holiday.

I hate that...I am not Martha Stewart.

I hate that...he believes the lies.

I hate that...she won't leave me and my children alone.

I hate that...they think I am the problem.

I hate that...sometimes I think, maybe I am...the problem.

I hate that...I hurt...constantly.

I hate that...I can't give him what he wants.

I hate that...he so easily began believing a warped perception of me.

I hate that...my pride and wounds won't let me run to him and beg him to listen and remember who I am, not who he wants him to believe I am.

I hate that...this is eating at my heart.

I hate that...he got to him.

I hate that...she sat and looked me in the face and had a conversation with me and went home and called him.

I hate that...I am ugly.

I hate that...I can't keep up.

I hate that...I can't stand up for myself without breaking out into hives.

I hate that...I can't pick up and leave.

I hate that...I am alone.

I hate that...no one just. gets. me.

I hate that...my best friend isn't there for me.

I hate that...this world is self-centered.

I hate that...someone will read this and think I am being dramatic and emotional.

I hate that...I will never be the prettiest.

I hate that...I am me.


Malia

Soon

Soon, I will be underneath the Spanish moss.

Soon, I will be walking through the squares.

Soon, I will be strolling again through endless tombstones.

Soon, I will be succumbed to the smell of pralines.

Soon, I will be drowned by the southern charm.

Soon, I will be perusing the city market.

Soon, I will be hypnotized by the song of Marion on River Street.

Soon, I will be in my own personal paradise.

Hot Girls

While discussing the future...again...I also made Emma cry, but we came to a solution with her. I had told her that all she had to do was have a baby girl when she grew up and she could name her Emma, that way, I would have the grown up Emma and the baby girl Emma. This is when she began to cry and claimed she was not getting married and she was not going to have any babies. Perplexed of course, because, I mean, this is Emma, the five-year-old girl with constant boys on her brain, why in the world would she not want to get married. Not to mention, she loves playing with her baby dolls. I thought for sure she would want to have babies.

"Why don't you want to have babies, Emma?"

"Because it hurts."

"Oooohhhh, well, why don't you want to get married?"

"Because I don't want to have babies."

"Well, Emma, if you don't get married, then you can't have any babies, so....how am I going to have a baby Emma when you grow up if you don't get married and have her?"

"I know," and with that, she turned to the boys and announced, "Boys, boys! You need to grow up and marry a hot girl and have babies and you need to name your baby girl Emma, so that mom can have a baby Emma and a grown up Emma, so go find you some hot girls and marry them."

I Don't Want to Grow Up

When I was a kid, around 10 or 11 I specifically remember sitting in the floor in front of my closet, playing Barbie's and suddenly being filled with sadness with the realization that one day, I was going to grow up and this would not be acceptable. It would not be okay for me to sit and play Barbie's. I saw no way around it. I couldn't play Barbie's, pretending I was doing something else. Not only would there be no Barbie's, but there would be no stuffed animals either, no Care Bears...no Jem! It couldn't happen. I had to grow up. I sat in that floor and I cried. I mourned the young me. The young me that was not yet passed away, but in the future would definitely be gone.

Yesterday, I sat with two of my children in my lap. (The oldest one doesn't sit in my lap anymore, he is too cool with his computer games and friends on MY cellphone...but, whatev) Me and the two younger ones were talking about the future. I told Jackson, "I sure am going to miss you when you grow up." He looked at me all confused, concerned really. I realized he was thinking something horrible and quickly responded, "I mean, I am going to miss the little boy Jackson when you are a grown man!"

The little boy Jackson with the soft heart began to cry. "What's wrong?!" I asked, worried that I had upset him.

"I don't want to grow up!", he said, as he swiped the big alligator tears from his eyes, gasping in between sobs.

"Well, why not? You are going to have so many adventures as a grown man, you will have a wife and children....."

"Because! It means that you will die quicker!"

What could I do, but hug him, close to my heart.

I sure do love this little boy Jackson of mine, who loves me so much. Bless his bones.

Malia

Christmas 2008

This about sums it up.....





in more ways than one.......

Malia