Wednesday, January 14, 2009

I Don't Want to Grow Up

When I was a kid, around 10 or 11 I specifically remember sitting in the floor in front of my closet, playing Barbie's and suddenly being filled with sadness with the realization that one day, I was going to grow up and this would not be acceptable. It would not be okay for me to sit and play Barbie's. I saw no way around it. I couldn't play Barbie's, pretending I was doing something else. Not only would there be no Barbie's, but there would be no stuffed animals either, no Care Jem! It couldn't happen. I had to grow up. I sat in that floor and I cried. I mourned the young me. The young me that was not yet passed away, but in the future would definitely be gone.

Yesterday, I sat with two of my children in my lap. (The oldest one doesn't sit in my lap anymore, he is too cool with his computer games and friends on MY cellphone...but, whatev) Me and the two younger ones were talking about the future. I told Jackson, "I sure am going to miss you when you grow up." He looked at me all confused, concerned really. I realized he was thinking something horrible and quickly responded, "I mean, I am going to miss the little boy Jackson when you are a grown man!"

The little boy Jackson with the soft heart began to cry. "What's wrong?!" I asked, worried that I had upset him.

"I don't want to grow up!", he said, as he swiped the big alligator tears from his eyes, gasping in between sobs.

"Well, why not? You are going to have so many adventures as a grown man, you will have a wife and children....."

"Because! It means that you will die quicker!"

What could I do, but hug him, close to my heart.

I sure do love this little boy Jackson of mine, who loves me so much. Bless his bones.



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