Hey Again, Y'all!: The Crazy Lady With Five Dogs

I knew the day that Bailey passed away, that I wanted to have another lap dog in my life. I had tried looking on the Internet, but once I started seeing those little Yorkie faces, I had to stop because it brought back memories of Bailey and I would just cry. I had decided it was too soon. Although no puppy could take the place of Bailey in my heart, my lap was just completely lonely. I looked at all the different breeds, making sure that is definitely what breed I wanted to stay with.

Two days after Bailey had died, I was at work and this lady, who we had all deemed "crazy", came through and shouted loudly at me, "Do you know anyone who wants a yorkie?!"

"What?!"

"Yeah, I have so many problems, I have just got to get rid of my yorkies, I have five and I just can't keep up with them anymore."

I told her that I was looking and that Bailey had just died. She said that she was only selling the little girl. She had already had all her shots, she was pee pad trained, but she had had surgery to remove a hernia. I took her number, not sure that I wanted a dog, let alone a girl, that had already had problems.

Once I got home from work, I whined to Wade for him to go look at this dog with me. I didn't expect to get one, but I wanted the experience of shopping for a dog because I had never done it before. I had visited a Yorkie site with a forum the day before and they had given me some tips on how to shop. Yes. They actually have forums.

He very relunctantly agreed to go with me. We pulled into the driveway and I told him that I would be right out.

Well, she introduced me to all her dogs, Precious, Max, Paris, Prissy and Star. Star is the one she was selling. I was sure she was a cute dog...if I could see her. Star was hiding. Under the chairs inside, under the bushes outside. All of the other dogs were very friendly, except for Paris, who was terribly cute, under her momma's arm and not for sale. I told her it was very nice to meet her and her dogs and Wade and I would discuss it and call her if we were interested.

Once I got back outside, Wade peeked over the fence to see what he thought too. We then went on our merry way. We discussed it in the car and had decided that we didn't want a dog that had problems and we should look around more and not pick the first dog we saw. He also mentioned that he liked Max the best.

The next day, I got a phone call. It was the crazy lady with her five dogs. She said that she thought that she had had a heart attack last night and then she woke up in the middle of the night and Max and Precious were "going at it" and Precious had gotten pregnant. She couldn't handle anymore dogs and she was going to have to get rid of Max too. She knew that I wasn't too fond of star because she was not very friendly and if I wanted Max, she would be willing to sell him.

I turned around and didn't call Wade, I called Erin, my sister. "What do you think I should do?" "I would get her. She is probably just shy because she has all those dogs around and because her owner is crazy." I asked her to please go with me to look at the dogs because she had experience at this and I was green!

Then I asked Wade what he thought. "Erin thinks it is a good idea and that the dog should be fine. She also said it was a really good price."

"That is what Erin says about everything when it comes to spending money. Everything is a "good price" to her." He still thought we should look around, but if I wanted it, then do what I wanted. Hasn't he learned yet that those are the wrong combination of words to tell me? Do what you want?!

So, on a snowy Wednesday in Georgia, Erin and I went to visit the crazy lady with five dogs, in her house filled with rugs and...stuff... and spent time with the dogs. The snow was falling in huge flakes and it was already sticking. Star was still hiding, but Max was sweet and loving. Erin and I spoke in a language that only we could understand. We blinked our eyes, wiggled our noses, shrugged shoulders and pulled on ears. She thought the dogs looked good and healthy and that we should rescue them from this lady. (She honestly was a very nice lady, just a little eccentric and lonely, really, I think). Erin's nose and blinks said, "Max is not even neutered, so we could breed him and make a profit. You should get the dogs."

"Dogs? With an S? I am sorry, I thought shrug, blink, blink, wiggle the nose, fling the hair meant Max. Just Max."

"Nope. Wiggle the nose, fling the hair, touch my shoe means just Max. You should get both. A boy and a girl. Besides they are cute. I am sure that Star will warm up to you once she gets out of all this craziness."

Max and Star? Max and Star? Can I handle two puppies at once? Max and Star? Money. He can make me money. Wade liked him. That would make Wade happy. I like Star, I do. That would be my little girl dog. I have never had one of those before. Max and Star? I could go to PetSmart and ge, "I am probably going to die and then you won't be able to get any papers on them, so I will just go ahead and give you the papers and you can take both of them."

"What?"

"I am probably going to die, so I have to get rid of all of them! I had a heart attack last night and I need quadruple bypass surgery. You know, they are like teenagers, if they want to have sex they are going to. I did everything, I even tied his penis up, but he didn't care, he still got to her last night and now she's pregnant!"

"I will take them. I will take Max and Star."

Wink, wink, wiggle the nose, touch my ear...(Erin, let's get the dogs and get out of here.)

We head outside with two dogs in tow, complete with a set of clothes for each, papers and tags. The crazy lady with fi...no, three dogs, follows us out. We are all shivering because of the snow, even the dogs, and the crazy lady with the three dogs continues to tell me how to take care of dogs. She tries to go back inside the house and for us to follow her, but her front door is now locked...with us on the porch...all of us...shivering...locked out of her house...in the snow.

"She locked me out of my house." She is pointing to Erin.

(Are you kidding me? This lady is nutso. Why would Erin lock her out of her house. Why would Erin have touched the door?)

"That's okay, I can get in." She whips a credit card out from somewhere and tries to get back in. "I can't believe she locked me out of my house."

We got back in and ended up staying another 15 minutes with the Crazy Lady with three dogs, where she showed me everything she has ever fed her dogs, everything.

We finally head home, where it is somewhat quiet, somewhat peaceful. Me, Max and Star. My new best friends.