I Know You

When you have children, it doesn't matter how many, it is a struggle to get out the door in a timely, fashionable manner.

We are always late... but if you used the cardinal rule of adding 10 minutes to my scheduled time of arriving, per child, then you would see that technically, I am usually only a few minutes late.

As we were trying to get out the door last week, I went into my usual speel of:

Turn off the light in your room, get your shoes on, did you feed the rabbit, get your bag, where is your sweater, close the door to your room, turn off your light, turn off the t.v., get your shoes on, TURN OFF YOUR LIGHT, get your sweater on, WHERE ARE YOUR SHOES, GET YOUR SHOES ON, get in the car, get in the car, get in the car, buckle your seatbelt, get on the other side, GET.IN.THE.CAR, get buckled, get buckled, get buckled.....

Sometimes, they don't seem to hear me....I don't know why, I don't get it....so, I have to make threats. They are empty, but I have them fooled, or so I thought....the older one, he has me figured out.

Me: (Going through my speel) Okay, you know what, that's it, you are not going to Grandma's, you are just going to have to stay home by yourself...

Dylan: You can't do that, I am not old enough...I have to be 13! It's against the law!

Me: I don't care! I'm doing it anyway! I. HAVE. TO. GO. TO. WORK....LIKE 20 MINUTES AGO! So, you can just stay here. I am going to go drop Emma off, but you and Jackson are not staying there....

Dylan: You're just kidding.

Me:(GASP! What?!)...No, I am serious, you'll see!

Dylan: No, your not. I know you. You're kidding. I. KNOW. YOU.

Me: (Who told him!!!!!!)

Dylan: Jackson, don't worry, she is not serious. We are going to Grandma's. I know her. She is just kidding.

Me:(Crap! I wonder if he would believe...murder?)