Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Summer Vacation Part 1

As part of our summer vacation we went as a family on a Riverboat Cruise. Little did we know, Jackson is afraid of boats. Who knew?


Jackson absolutely REFUSING to get on the boat. We even tried to pull him onto the boat. Did you know they could use him as an anchor for the boat because the kid has lead for bones. Didn't budge.


I finally talked to the captain of the boat and got Jackson a life jacket. He finally agreed to get on the boat.


I begged Jackson to smile for this pictue. Notice the life jacket. We were at the top of the boat and had not started moving yet. He still was not liking it.


One more picture please Jackson. The jacket is still there.

Now, before you know it, that Jackson, he was having fun. He was noticing the blue Herons, the mountains, the other boats. He could see the aquarium from the river. The boat would toot it's horn. He realized, "hey, maybe this boat is not going to sink after all."


Hey Grandma, I love this boat! Can we go again?!



Malia

Friday, June 27, 2008

Savannah 2



Forsyth Fountain. Believe it or not, this fountain was ordered out of a catalog.

Malia

Monday, June 23, 2008

Y'all Know I Love It, Right?

You all know how much I love Savannah, right? Yes, I see the eye rolls, but I can't help it, I do. Not only do I love it, but I have so many pictures that I do believe that I could post a picture a day and go on for at least three, maybe four, years. I won't do it though...at least not day after day, after day....I will spare you. I am going to start right now, with picture number one though.

This is a picture of a tugboat, outside the window of our hotel. That would be the Savannah River. That big hotel over there, that is the Westin Resort. High dollar. The street below..that is the famous River Street.






Malia

Friday, June 20, 2008

I've Been Away!

Have you missed me? You have, because you have told me so. Sorry, I just haven't been....inspired! We have been up to a few things, such as the Georgia Rennaisance Festival, dance recitals, gymnastics, cheerleading (notice nothing for the boys here) and oh yeah, working! It seems it is all we do. I am now on a 10-day vacation and we will be traveling to Chattanooga for Jackson's birthday. My birthday is in there somewhere, but since Jackson's sweet birth, it is no longer recognized. Perhaps I will get a post in here somewhere in these 10 days, and who knows, perhaps I will be inspired to continue on afterwards. Let's just see where my thoughts take me. Here is a little picture to tickle your eyelashes.




Malia

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Idol Teaches Life Lessons

Dylan and I had the pleasure of each other's company while watching Idol Gives Back. We were watching a segment on some children in Africa whose parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, had all died from AIDS. They had no one. The children left behind were from ages 2 to 16. There were five of them. Annie Lennox broke down and just cried. As they were asking us to pledge money Dylan asked a very important question:

Dylan: How do you decide who gets the money?

Me: I don't know how they decide. There is not enough to go around, but that is why they are asking everyone to donate.

Dylan: But that's not fair. So many children need help.

Dylan learned life lesson, no. 28. Sometimes, no matter how much money you give, no matter how sad you are about it, no matter how much it may make you cry...you can't help everyone.

Me: That feeling in your heart, where it is kind of hard to breathe and it feels like it is breaking, your throat kind of hurts because there is a lump in it.... because you know that those children may not get help and may die....that is compassion....and that is one of the most important gifts to receive.

Malia

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Spongebob Makes You a Man

Dylan: What are we watching? Wanna watch something manly? Like Spongebob?

Malia

Monday, April 07, 2008

Jackson

This is Jackson.


This is Jackson by the woodpile. He is mad. I asked him to bring in three peices of wood from the wood pile. He has been in this same stance for 15 minutes. Seriously.



This is Jackson very mad and upset.



This is Jackson marching back to the house to get his four-year-old sister so that SHE can make sure there are no spiders crawling on the wood.

Being able to blog about it and send it to every one HE knows=pricesless

Malia

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Coleman and Karla are Officially COLA!

I don't think I actually got a decent picture of them together, but ...wait, let me check my files....







Ahhh, I knew I had a good one.....already feeling the woes of married life and we haven't even had the catered food yet...



Look at that, a trust already broken...


Just kiddin' y'all...I hope you are having fun in Paradise!

Malia

Thursday, April 03, 2008

In the End, the Animals Will Eat

Me: Jackson, please turn off the light in the sunroom.(Said with much disgust because I don't understand why turning off a light is such a hard concept to get!)

Jackson: Why do you always tell us to turn lights off?

Me: Because it uses up energy and we need energy to run the Earth.

Dylan: We are running out of oil, kinda sorta...I think.

Me: Yep, you are right.

Jackson: What happens if the Earth stops running?

Me: (Oh crap!)

Dylan: Every one will die, except for the animals because they will eat our rotting flesh and....

Me: DYLAN!

Dylan: Oh, sorry...well, it's true....there, now you have something to blog about.

Me: True.

Jackson: I don't like Dylan very much.

Malia

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

A Swift Kick in the ... Calf?

Emma and I recently went to Target. The most wonderful store in the world! When you leave Target, the doors automatically open for you. At least, that is what you all thought. What actually happens is magic. If you are not in tune with magic or other people's magic, you may be inclined to think that there is some sort of sensor that sees you and then opens the door for you. Absurd! This just is not so. Some people hide their magic and others bring it right out in front of you. Like Emma.

When leaving Target, Emma walked up to that door punched out that open little hand and said, "Whoosh!" And do you know that the door opened right up? Magic.

Me: Ooooo, I want to try!

Emma: Noooo!! I'm gonna do it!

Me: (Acting out, just a little) No Emma! It's my turn! You already got to do it!

I ran to that second door! Emma ran faster and "Whoosh!" She opened that door again with her magic.

I stomped up to the curb outside, right next to a soccer mom and her SUV, and declared that I was angry at her and it was supposed to be my turn. I turned my back to her, crossed my arms and gave a big, "Hmph!"

All of a sudden I felt a swift kick...right to my calf!!! It was pint-sized, but it packed a punch. It pulled me right out of my funk and I turned around to see.....



EMMA! "I told you it was my turn, not yours. You shouldn't have tried to beat me!"

I looked at Emma, looked at the soccer mom, took Emma's hand and turned in silence and we headed home.

Sometimes, I guess we all need a pint-sized kick in the calf!

Malia

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Cause and Effect

I just learned some wonderful news. Melanie, that I told you was moving to California, got a surprise. She is pregnant...with number four. Hey Mel, you do know what causes that, right?

Congratulations to Melanie and her growing family.

Malia

Freak!

On a recent shopping trip:

Me: That purse is so freakin' cute!

Me: Oh my gosh! That puppy is so freakin' cute!

Me: Oh look at that. It is so freakin' cute!

Me: You should have seen Emma the other day, she was so freakin' cute!

Me: I love those cars. They are so freakin' cute!

A few hours later.....

Emma: Mom, I want these shoes. They are so freakin' cute!

Emma: Don't you love this dress for you mom. It is so freakin' cute!

Emma: Can I please have those shoes? They are so freakin' cute!

Me: Emma. Stop saying that! That sounds horrible. I don't know why she is saying it that.

MIL: She is saying it because you say it all the time.

Me: I do? (I don't say that! She's crazy!)

A few hours later.....

Me: Emma, those dresses are soooo freakin' cute! (GASP!!!)

Malia

Sunday, March 09, 2008

The Argument

I have a book that is used for the sole purpose of when you have writer's block. Today I had it.

I know Jackson said something very bloggable about black holes today, but I don't know if you would really get it. I mean, you have to know Jackson. When he gets on something...he stays on it. This black hole talk, it started back before Christmas. He has tossed it around in his little head for that long. (He is soooo much like me. We Cancers, we over-analyze things....just a tad.)

Well, I might as well tell you the story anyway....

We were watching a DVD called Indescribable. It is done by an inspirational speaker named Lou Giglio and what he is basically saying is that the universe is like Earth and Earth is just a subdivision...in the Universe. Does that make sense? He is trying to make you realize how big God is and how small you are in the scheme of things. If you realize how small Earth is, then think about how small you are. It has all these great photos that help to illustrate just how small Earth is. Lou shows various photos taken from the Hubble satellite and some others. There is one they call God's Eye that you would probably recognize if you saw it. There also is a picture of a black hole. Who would have thought that this one word, this one picture would cause such chaos and be the start of so many questions.

You all know, I live with a science wizard. Dylan rattled off something informational about black holes and we all moved on with the movie. Next thing we know, Jackson is crying. He has been thinking and tossing around scenarios of all kinds in his little head.

Jackson: (Big 'ol alligator tears and arms crossed over his chest) Mom?! Will we ever be sucked into a black hole?

Me: (Looking at Wade and asking him with my eyes, "Oh my gosh! Can it really happen? Are we all going to die!!!!) Oh Jackson, no, I mean, it could happen, but we would just live in the black hole on earth, nothing would change really, we just would be in a different ... ...(Wade looks at me like I am a complete idiot and shakes his head and mouths, "that so is NOT what would happen") Nope, it's not true Jackson, that is not going to happen. Don't worry about it, okay. We are NOT going to be sucked into a black hole any time soon.

That seemed to satisfy him for a while.

Then today....when we got home and he looked up at the stars....it brought up a file from his deep thoughts on black holes and opened it right up....

Jackson: Mom, I don't want to get sucked up into a black hole.

Me: Jackson--we are not going to get sucked up into a black hole. Why are you asking that?

He rattled on about something else...for a minute.

We got into the kitchen and everyone was doing their thing... 30 minutes later....

Jackson: Mom, Dylan said that a black hole is made when stars blow up. Is that true?

Me: Jackson, I have no idea how a black hole is made.(Folks, I retained NOTHING from school. Nothing.)

Wade: A black hole is made when a star combusts and collapses on itself.(smarty pants)

I piddle around the kitchen for a while. We talk about the dogs. We talk about money. We talk about what we are going to do tomorrow... 20 minutes later...

Jackson: Mom, will we still have electricity when we get sucked into the black hole?

Me: (Deep breath) No!

We talk some more about the post office, Kroger and Savannah.... 15 minutes later...

Jackson: Mom, will we be able to drive cars when we get sucked into the black hole.

Me: Jackson! If we get sucked into a black hole, we are all going to be dead! You can't live in a black hole. We ARE NOT going to be sucked into a black hole. What is wrong with you?!!!!

He walked away. Satisfied maybe. Or maybe I just scared him a little more. (Mother of the year!!!)

10 minutes later.

Jackson: Mom, will we know each other in Heaven? (Bless his heart, he is going to have a heart attack by the time he is 10 will all this worry)

Me: Yes, Jackson. I think we will.

Jackson: Well, we better go to church on Sunday.

Me: Yep, I am there.

After everyone has said their good nights and I have told them to go to bed at least 1000 times....

Jackson: Mom.

Me: Yes....Jackson.

Jackson: We better get five air tanks for when we go into the black hole....and two for the dogs.

So...what does the title of this blog have to do with Jackson and black holes? Nothing really. I had flipped to a page in my Writer's block book because I thought I had nothing to write about and it said, "Write an argument between two characters that starts in bed". Of course the only thing that I could think of was the ONLY argument that happens in bed and that might not be deemed a suitable topic for some of you. I was going to write it and let you decide if you would like to read it or not.

I have had the book for about two months now...I have never had to use it, for there is never a shortage of topic in our household.

Malia

For the Sake of Argument

Yesterday, the ENTIRE family went to Wal-mart. We don't attempt this often. When we do, there is plenty to blog about.

From behind us, Wade and I hear:

Emma: Tell me that dinosaurs are not all dead.

Jackson: They are.

Emma: Nooooo. Jackson, tell me the dinosaurs are not all dead.

Jackson: But they are.

Emma: Jackson! Just tell me that they aren't!

Jackson: Dinosaurs are not all dead.

Emma: Yes they are.

Malia

Friday, March 07, 2008

Pretty Much Crazy

Emma: Do you know what makes that sound when you snap?

Me: (I can look really smart here) Yeah. It is the friction from you middle finger and your thumb when they slide off of each other.

Jackson: Well, Grammy said that it is your middle finger slapping your hand.

Me: (What?! That's not right!) You know Grammy is crazy right?

Jackson:...pretty much.

Malia

Hard Times

Wade was let go from his job today. Prayers please.

Malia

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Where I've Been

I'm sick...and cleaning carpets. Don't you wish you were me?

Malia

Monday, March 03, 2008

51 is Close To 60.

On Friday, Jackson was checking out my calendar by my desking, making sure I had all birthdays listed in their proper place. We were checking out the horses on the calendar also, to see who's month had the prettiest horse. Jackson and I decided that ours, June, was the prettiest, of course.

He flipped back to March and realized that Monday is my mother's birthday.

Jackson: Grammy's birthday is soon?!

Me: Yep! On Monday.

Jackson: (In a whisper, because you never want to say a big number out loud) She is going to be 51.

Me: What?! Do you think that is old?

Jackson: Well....it's pretty close to 60. (Duh!)


Malia

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Jackson Tutus

As I was getting Emma ready to Grandma and Peepaw's house, we had the following conversation regarding dancing supplies:

Me: Okay, Emma, make sure that you tell Grandma that you need tap shoes, ballet shoes, leotards, a tutu, a dan....

Emma:(wrinkling her nose and looking at me as though I have said something absurd) A tutu?!!

Me: Yeah, that is the skirt that ballerinas wear.

Emma: No it's not! (dummy) That is what Jackson does!

Malia

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Nine is Fine


But 10 can wait! Can you believe that my baby is nine years old. It just doesn't seem possible. Then again, it seems as though he has always been here. My life must have been so boring before he came along.

So, for his birthday, because my brother is getting married and there were showers going on for that, he opted to skip the big party and just requested a PSP and a Mexican supper at home. I did my very best to deliver.


We had everything I could think of that was Mexican. We made refried beans, soft tacos (Dylan's adament request), Mexican rice, diced tomatoes, queso, salsa, diced onion, shredded lettuce, cheddar cheese, tostitos and my favorite, the shredded Mozarella cheese that Wade had fun making fun of because that is Italian, not Mexican. Who knew?


He liked it, Mozarella cheese or not!


Dad made his traditional cake. Dylan requested strawberry cake with vanilla frosting. It was yummy!

Dylan's was a perfect pregnancy. I was sleepy, which I love to sleep, it is one of my favorite things to do! I was glowing. I was healthy. There were no concerns or scares. It was just perfect.

Is there really such a thing as a smooth delivery? I don't think so. With Dylan I threw up in the floor while in labor and of course, offered to help clean it up. Throwing up, in turn, broke my water. I started labor in the middle of friends, 8:00 p.m., on Thursday, February 25, 1999. I was already at the hospital being enduced. I labored for 12 hours before he entered the world...silent. I felt nothing through the few pushes it took and even declared immediately after, "Wow, that was easy. I could do that again."

All of a sudden, everything was no longer "easy". I remember that no one was telling me what was going on, but every one was suddenly rushing. Numbers were being dialed on the little telephones and the word "STAT" was being used. Then a breathless doctor came running in the room with a big toolbox exclaiming about how fast she had gotten there. They went to work on Dylan, who was grey and not whimpering a sound. He lay limp. They shook him and his little body just jiggled, but did not fight back. The cord had been wrapped around his neck and he was not breathing. It all happened in minutes.

I remember that I was not scared at first. I was calm and felt that they had everything under control. Once that doctor came running in and I saw what they were doing I began to realize that something was not right, but still, I felt calm and that everything was going to be fine.

Then, there it was. The sweetest gurgled cry. Those teeny hands flailing in the air wondering what they were feeling, why they were no longer warm and all smooshed into his little cramped home he they known for nine months. There were, "'There ya goes' and 'Good boys'. Then a bundle of joy was placed in my arms. When he was born, he scored a 1 on his APGAR test. Now he scored an 8. In my book, he was a 10. Perfect. In every way.

Dylan is the most laid back, calm child. He is so sweet, sensitive and so mature. He is smart, intellectual and not to mention handsome. He can sing karaoke like the Jonas Brothers, watch over his younger siblings without complaint, cook and he will charm the pants off of you with that small smile.

Lord, thank you so much for Dylan. What a precious gift this child is. I pray that I have him for at least 90 more years to come.

Love ya, Dylan!

Mom

Fairy Dust Restores Your Heart

Emma and I had a conversation yesterday in the only place where good conversations and deep contemplating of world troubles happen. In the bathroom.

Emma: Mom.

Me: (Contemplating)

Emma: Mom.

Me: (Looking up at her.)

Emma: Mom.

Me: WHAT!? (I am looking right at you! Do I really have to verbalize it?!)

Emma: Mom.

Me: What. Emma.

Emma: Mom. If we put fairy dust on the place where Bailey is then he will come out of the ground and have wings and we will bring him back here and give him a whole bunch of vitamins and he will come back to life. Doesn't that sound like a good idea?!

(With each new syllable she is getting more and more excited and ends with her hands out, like, tada.)

Me: That would be nice wouldn't it Emma. I wish it worked that way.

Emma: Mom. (She changes to a deep whisper, looking very deep into my eyes and telling me a secret, as though, if THEY hear, whomever THEY may be, we will wish they hadn't) Mom. If you go to the graveyard and you touch the rocks (I later learn this means the tombstones) zombies will come out of the ground and kill you. That's what happened to Bailey, he touched the rocks and the zombies killed him.

Me: (I wonder where she got this information from? Oh my goodness, I could have so much fun with her in a graveyard one day. I smile mischeviously. If people only knew my real thoughts. Back into mommy mode...BOYS!!!!)

Malia

Catching Up

I have a LOT of catching up to do. I have been without Internet for three days, count them...one. two. three.

I have not been able to tell you what will happen if we sprinkle fairy dust on Bailey's grave.

I haven't gotten to show you the fabulous spread I created for someone's very special ninth birthday.

I also haven't gotten to tell you how "unlarious" Jackson is when he cracks himself up at his "boy boobies" bouncing up and down.

You can blame all of this on AT&T, or Bellsouth, or whomever they may call themselves these days. They cost me at least five years off of my life. I have written down, eight telephone numbers that I dialed while trying to find SOMEONE to help me. This, however, does not include the times I was transferred and it also does not include the times they called me themselves, nor does it include the time I waited on hold for over two hours collectively. I have never been driven to the point to where I understood why someone would snap and go "postal" until this week.

I totally got it.

Malia

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Saturday, February 23, 2008





Look at these babies! Don't you just want to kiss them all over!

Malia

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Winter Blues


I am not quite ready for this to go away...but....I am looking forward to Spring flowers.

Malia

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Two For One

Jackson had a loose tooth for...ever! I finally had to give him an ultimatim because the tooth was so loose that it had moved over and made it look like there was a big gap in his teeth. On Friday, I gave him until 9 p.m. on Sunday and if that tooth was not out, I, no, ... dad was pulling it.

(I couldn't be deemed the bad guy here! Ya know.)

So, here we are on Sunday at 9 p.m.


Now, dad, he didn't want any part of that grumpiness, so I ended up being the bad guy anyway. I started fiddlin' with the first tooth and found that both of his two front teeth were loose. I have, so far, not been able to pull one of my children's teeth. I failed completely with Dylan. Poor kid had to pull his own. Jackson's other teeth that he has lost were all knocked out. This one front tooth, it was pretty easy. I then checked out the other one and it was ready to come out. I struggled with it a little bit. Jackson laid down and out it came and it landed on the back of his tounge.

Sitting up very quickly, "You just tried to choke me to death!"

C'mon Jackson, show me those pretty teeth!


C'mon, hold 'em up! I am proud of that. I pulled two teeth in one night! I don't think that has ever been done!


Malia

A Sign of the Times

I haven't had a good week. I have had financial situations come up, I am under a lot of pressure at work, I even had to dip into our savings account, but nothing, absolutely nothing tops what I got in the mail today. I had to stop in the middle of walking back to the house to make sure I was reading the little card correctly.

"What?! I don't understand?" (Maybe I read it wrong, go back to the top Malia.)

Now I am reading out loud to make sure the words are forming correctly and flowing through the brain that deciphers things...."We regret to inform you the Martha Stewart Living has ceased publication with the September/October issue...."

"What?!!! No more Martha Stewart Living?! This can't be! How can she do that?! This is what she has worked for her entire life! WHAT IS SHE THINKING?!!!! (My heart begins to beat faster and I am finding it hard to breathe, walk the dogs and make sense of Martha's decision WITHOUT CONSULTING ME FIRST!)

"I know, I will call her. That is what I will do. I will call her and I will tell her that she cannot, not send me Martha Stewart Living, not publish Martha Stewart Living, not give me ideas of which I will never try because I cannot find the ingredients or spend $100 on eyelets that are just magnificent!"

I stumbled into the house. Threw the dogs leashes....somewhere...and headed towards the computer where I would feverishly search for a phone number to Martha Stewarts headquarters.

"Mom."

"tap.tap....tap....tap. Click, click....click, click."

"Mom."

"tap.tap....tap....tap. Click, click....click, click."

"Mom. Can I have some lunch now?"

"tap.tap....tap....tap. Click, click....click, click."

"Mooooommm!--Not now Emma! I have to look into somethi...ah ha...here is a number!"

(Yes, okay, press 1, uh huh, okay, press 3...my credit card no.?! Crap! No! I need Martha, I need to talk with someone! I am pretty sure this is one of the signs in Revelations and I must stop it! Oh, "hello?!")

"Yes, Hi! Hi! Yes, hello, listen I..I got this horrible card in the mail and it said that Martha Stewart Living is no longer going to be published and I want to know.....WHY!!! Why! Why are y'all doing this?"

"Oh m'am, I am sorry, that was a misprint. That is for the Martha Stewart Newsletter."

"Oh Thank GOD!!!!!" Click.

Malia

Monday, February 04, 2008

You've Got Mail

This is the E-mail I got from Dylan today:

"you and dad are the best parents any kid could have."

Complete with smiley faces.


(File in: 17-year-old I hate you, you never let me do anything I want to do! file)

Malia

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Georgia Snow

It snowed in Georgia. Twice. I tried to tell you about it. Blogger refused to cooperate. I got DSL. DSL kicks Bloggers ass. I give you...snow. In Georgia.


What is this falling from the sky?! Snow? What is snow?


Can we eat it? (Polluting my children...I know, bad mom, bad!) Notice that every one is wearing short sleeves and no coats. We do NOT believe the weatherman here until we actually see the white stuff. This time...he was right. That is the real reason every one runs to the store when they see it fall.


Every one say "BRRRRRR!!!!!"



A family picture. Wait...where are the children?


Poor babies...this is the best snowman they could get out of the half inch of snow we got.

Malia

Friday, January 25, 2008

The Crazy Lady With Five Dogs

I knew the day that Bailey passed away, that I wanted to have another lap dog in my life. I had tried looking on the Internet, but once I started seeing those little Yorkie faces, I had to stop because it brought back memories of Bailey and I would just cry. I had decided it was too soon. Although no puppy could take the place of Bailey in my heart, my lap was just completely lonely. I looked at all the different breeds, making sure that is definitely what breed I wanted to stay with.

Two days after Bailey had died, I was at work and this lady, who we had all deemed "crazy", came through and shouted loudly at me, "Do you know anyone who wants a yorkie?!"

"What?!"

"Yeah, I have so many problems, I have just got to get rid of my yorkies, I have five and I just can't keep up with them anymore."

I told her that I was looking and that Bailey had just died. She said that she was only selling the little girl. She had already had all her shots, she was pee pad trained, but she had had surgery to remove a hernia. I took her number, not sure that I wanted a dog, let alone a girl, that had already had problems.

Once I got home from work, I whined to Wade for him to go look at this dog with me. I didn't expect to get one, but I wanted the experience of shopping for a dog because I had never done it before. I had visited a Yorkie site with a forum the day before and they had given me some tips on how to shop. Yes. They actually have forums.

He very relunctantly agreed to go with me. We pulled into the driveway and I told him that I would be right out.

Well, she introduced me to all her dogs, Precious, Max, Paris, Prissy and Star. Star is the one she was selling. I was sure she was a cute dog...if I could see her. Star was hiding. Under the chairs inside, under the bushes outside. All of the other dogs were very friendly, except for Paris, who was terribly cute, under her momma's arm and not for sale. I told her it was very nice to meet her and her dogs and Wade and I would discuss it and call her if we were interested.

Once I got back outside, Wade peeked over the fence to see what he thought too. We then went on our merry way. We discussed it in the car and had decided that we didn't want a dog that had problems and we should look around more and not pick the first dog we saw. He also mentioned that he liked Max the best.

The next day, I got a phone call. It was the crazy lady with her five dogs. She said that she thought that she had had a heart attack last night and then she woke up in the middle of the night and Max and Precious were "going at it" and Precious had gotten pregnant. She couldn't handle anymore dogs and she was going to have to get rid of Max too. She knew that I wasn't too fond of star because she was not very friendly and if I wanted Max, she would be willing to sell him.

I turned around and didn't call Wade, I called Erin, my sister. "What do you think I should do?" "I would get her. She is probably just shy because she has all those dogs around and because her owner is crazy." I asked her to please go with me to look at the dogs because she had experience at this and I was green!

Then I asked Wade what he thought. "Erin thinks it is a good idea and that the dog should be fine. She also said it was a really good price."

"That is what Erin says about everything when it comes to spending money. Everything is a "good price" to her." He still thought we should look around, but if I wanted it, then do what I wanted. Hasn't he learned yet that those are the wrong combination of words to tell me? Do what you want?!

So, on a snowy Wednesday in Georgia, Erin and I went to visit the crazy lady with five dogs, in her house filled with rugs and...stuff... and spent time with the dogs. The snow was falling in huge flakes and it was already sticking. Star was still hiding, but Max was sweet and loving. Erin and I spoke in a language that only we could understand. We blinked our eyes, wiggled our noses, shrugged shoulders and pulled on ears. She thought the dogs looked good and healthy and that we should rescue them from this lady. (She honestly was a very nice lady, just a little eccentric and lonely, really, I think). Erin's nose and blinks said, "Max is not even neutered, so we could breed him and make a profit. You should get the dogs."

"Dogs? With an S? I am sorry, I thought shrug, blink, blink, wiggle the nose, fling the hair meant Max. Just Max."

"Nope. Wiggle the nose, fling the hair, touch my shoe means just Max. You should get both. A boy and a girl. Besides they are cute. I am sure that Star will warm up to you once she gets out of all this craziness."

Max and Star? Max and Star? Can I handle two puppies at once? Max and Star? Money. He can make me money. Wade liked him. That would make Wade happy. I like Star, I do. That would be my little girl dog. I have never had one of those before. Max and Star? I could go to PetSmart and ge, "I am probably going to die and then you won't be able to get any papers on them, so I will just go ahead and give you the papers and you can take both of them."

"What?"

"I am probably going to die, so I have to get rid of all of them! I had a heart attack last night and I need quadruple bypass surgery. You know, they are like teenagers, if they want to have sex they are going to. I did everything, I even tied his penis up, but he didn't care, he still got to her last night and now she's pregnant!"

"I will take them. I will take Max and Star."

Wink, wink, wiggle the nose, touch my ear...(Erin, let's get the dogs and get out of here.)

We head outside with two dogs in tow, complete with a set of clothes for each, papers and tags. The crazy lady with fi...no, three dogs, follows us out. We are all shivering because of the snow, even the dogs, and the crazy lady with the three dogs continues to tell me how to take care of dogs. She tries to go back inside the house and for us to follow her, but her front door is now locked...with us on the porch...all of us...shivering...locked out of her house...in the snow.

"She locked me out of my house." She is pointing to Erin.

(Are you kidding me? This lady is nutso. Why would Erin lock her out of her house. Why would Erin have touched the door?)

"That's okay, I can get in." She whips a credit card out from somewhere and tries to get back in. "I can't believe she locked me out of my house."

We got back in and ended up staying another 15 minutes with the Crazy Lady with three dogs, where she showed me everything she has ever fed her dogs, everything.

We finally head home, where it is somewhat quiet, somewhat peaceful. Me, Max and Star. My new best friends.



Meet Max Hemi Sims. He is a two-year-old blue and gold Yorkshire Terrier. He is daddy to Star.



Meet Star. She is a tri-color Yorkshire Terrier. Max's little girl.

Malia

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Bun in the Oven?!

Me: Emma, my stomach hurts.

Emma: That's because your going to have a baby.

Wade--who overheard from the kitchen(choking): Cough! Watch your mouth girl!

Malia

The Love Tub!

Beware of The Sims 2.

I got it for Christmas.

It is rated T for teens.

I have played it once.

Dylan loves it.

He has cheat codes.

He has several families.

He has a job. He is a vandal and gets paid $186 per day.

Today, Jackson came and told me that they bought a love tub. He noticed I looked perplexed. "It's a tub that is shaped like a heart." One of my eyebrows raises. "I asked my girlfriend to get in the love tub with me, but she is not my girlfriend, now she is just my best friend, but she got in and you know what? She was naked? Isn't that weird? She must be dumb. She must've been like, 'I'm dumb, let me take my clothes off and get in the love tub.'

DYYYYLLLLAAAANNNN!!!!! GET RID OF THE LOVE TUB!!!!

"Mom, we already did."

Such good boys.

(Before you get all judgemental on me...number 1, I didn't know a "love tub" existed. Their dad helped them get the cheat codes...I was at work, so pick on him. Second, the nakedness, it is blurred out.:))

Malia

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Conversations You Never Thought You Would Be Having With Your Children...1

While watching the snow fall through the window and General Hospital at the same time, I found that there was suddenly a block of my view...Jackson.

Jackson(Making my mind wander from the saga of Luke's third heart attack and whether he will or will not decide to have that lifesaving surgery): Mom, this one time...at school...the sink was broken...and there was a cleaning lady...and I had to wash my hands in the toilet...is that okay?(Am I going to die because of the germs?)

Me(My mind completely ripped away from the thoughts of Maxie being strangled and who done it): What?! (Did he just say he washed his hands in a toilet?!)

Jackson: At school...I had to wash my hands in the toilet...is that okay? (Please...just tell me I am not going to die.)

Me: Uh...WHAT!!! WHY WOULD YOU WASH YOUR HANDS IN THE TOILET?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME! I MEAN IS THIS A JOKE, JACKSON?! WHAT HAPPENED? START AT THE BEGINNING!

Jackson (Crap! She looks like I might die!): I had to go to the bathroom and the sink was broken, so there was a cleaning lady in the bathroom and she asked me if I had washed my hands, so I washed them in the toilet. (So, what does this mean...exactly?)

Me: When?!!! Did!!!! This!!! Happen??!!

Jackson: I don't know, like, in kindergarten.

Me(Perplexed, confused...um...disgusted): Did you think of maybe telling the cleaning lady that the sink was broken?

Jackson(Maybe that would have worked): {Shakes his head no and shrugs his shoulders}

Me(What blog material!): Okay, I don't think you're going to die, but next time...tell the cleaning lady that the sink is broken...don't wash your hands in the toilet!!!!

Malia